Dear Human 💕,

I can see you’re trying really hard to keep yourself from getting angry. Why?

Here’s how I see it:

You are living in a society where anger is considered bad. Now, you actually believe that anger is bad, and all those who feel or express anger are also bad. And you’re a woman. Women are loving and understanding. Women don’t get angry. Women don’t argue. Women don’t fight.

If even a hint of anger flares up in you, you stop it. You believe you shouldn’t feel angry. Ever. So, instead you’re feeling guilty, ashamed, scared, and you are doubting yourself.

You’re telling yourself:

I am being unreasonable. There’s nothing to be upset about. I’m over-reacting.

Human. What the meow! That is so wrong.

The truth is anger is useful. Anger is your alarm bell going off.

You’re allowed to get upset, irritated, hurt, frustrated, or angry. Those emotions send you the message that something is wrong! Listen to them and find out what it is that bothers you.

If someone is disrespectful, judges you, criticizes you, makes fun of you, treats you unfairly, or even attacks or abuses you, you have the right to stand up for yourself. You have the right to fight back! You have the right to be angry. And you have the right to let others know that you’re angry.

Sometimes, getting angry is the most healthy response.

Next time you feel any anger flare up in you, don’t stop it. Let it burn. Feel that anger building up and rushing through your body. Your body is telling you something isn’t right and it is protecting you. It triggers your fight-or-flight reaction to get you ready to fight for yourself. Anger is powerful motivator. You feel like you need to do something. You’re ready to punch someone.

Now, that is the time to stop. Don’t react in the heat of the moment. Don’t explode. Give yourself time to cool down. You might need to walk away and get yourself out of the situation. Figure out what made you angry. What is wrong? Why are you upset? What do you need? What do you want? Then, respond accordingly.

Be ready for conflict and stand up for yourself and what you believe in. Fight back!

Don’t scream or scratch and bite, but let them know why you are angry. Let them feel that you are angry. It’s okay to let the anger come through in your voice and in your body.

You want to send a clear message:

I don’t like this. I don’t want this. I don’t accept this.

And that message is more powerful, if it has some fire to it. Makes them feel that you mean it. Show some teeth.

Remember, you teach others how to treat you. Don’t let others ignore you or walk all over you. You want to let them know and feel that you’re not letting them get away with it.

Keep it above the belt though. No attacks. No blaming. Stay respectful. Talk about your experience and your feelings. Keep in mind that you’re feeling whatever you’re feeling, because you interpret the situation in a certain way. Others might interpret it differently. Be open to here their perspective. Be clear about why you feel angry and what you would like to be different.

If you’re repressing your anger to avoid any conflict and keep the peace, think that through. Your repressed anger will build up and turn into resentment. And that will erode any relationship over time.

Getting angry is a powerful catalyst for change. So, allow yourself to get angry and ask for the change you need.

Staying angry is energy sucking. It keeps your body in constant fight-or-flight mode. That will take a toll in you. Let the anger go.

Yours,
Cat 🐾

P.S. If you feel like you to let some of your anger out to help you calm down, here are some ideas: scream, punch a pillow, run,listen to some angry music, go to a rage room.

P.P.S. Anger is like an iceberg. The anger is what’s visible. And under the surface it usually comes along with other emotions that are challenging to deal with. Shame. Fear. Grief. Hurt. Explore and face all the emotions your anger comes with and find out what is driving your anger.