All the feelings. All at once.
TL;DR: It’s human to experience a number of very different feelings at the same time. And remember that Opposites can co-exist. So, it’s okay when those feelings seem to contradict each other.
Dear Human 💕,
Humans usually don’t experience just one feeling at the time. Instead, they experience a few feelings at the same time. And often those feelings seem to contradict each other.
Let me tell you a story in which many different feelings come up.
Let’s start with the facts:
A human goes to a Tiki Party in a friend’s backyard. The human feels a sharp sting on the leg. By reflex the human smushes whatever it was and assumes it was a (huge) mosquito.
A few hours later at home, the bite is very itchy. There’s a pale circle around the bite and around that a bruise starts to appear. The human assumes it’s a very bad mosquito bite.
The next morning, the bruise seems to have gotten larger, it has a diameter of 3 inches (7.5 cm). So, the human wonders if that it is really a very bad mosquito bite . . . or something else.
Other humans are asked for their opinion and it’s recommended to have the bite checked out.
The human is hesitant to head to urgent care on a Sunday for a bug bite. The human does some more research.
A tick bite?
“A red, expanding rash resembling a bull’s that appears anywhere from one day to one month after a tick bite.”
The ring around the bite looks purple like a bruise and not like a red skin rash. There was not tick attached. Usually, you don’t feel a tick bite. The ring showed up just a couple of hours after the bite. Too soon. So, probably not a tick bite.
A spider bite?
“Symptoms like redness, pain, and itching typically develop within a few hours. The bite may then form a characteristic “bull’s-eye” or “target” lesion, with a white center surrounded by red rings, within about eight hours.”
That matches my symptoms. And those symptoms match to a bite from a brown recluse.
Of course, whenever a human googles anything medical, death is a possible outcome:
“Bites from the brown recluse spider almost never result in death but can cause serious skin damage, nausea, and muscle pain. With proper care, mild bites resolve within days to weeks, while more severe cases can take months to heal.”
At least it is almost never.
“While historically thought to be rare in the Northeast, there have been some reports of these spiders in the region.”
Brown recluses are not native to Massachusetts, but there are here. Not helpful. The brown recluse is a suspect.
Google AI is asked again. It comes up with the following recommendation:
“Possible brown recluse bite. Seek medical attention: A brown recluse bite can be serious and warrants a visit to your healthcare provider, advises Johns Hopkins Medicine.
The source is credible to the human. So, the human decides to visit urgent care. The other human drives her.
Urgent care listens to her story, takes a look and then says bug bites are treated as follows:
For itching, consider an oral antihistamine or using hydrocortisone cream, or an oral antihistamine. If the bite is painful, pain relievers like acetaminophen or ibuprofen can help.
The human mentions that she’s here, because she’s worried it might be a bite from a poisonous spider. The provider types something on her laptop and says the only spiders to worry about would be the Black Window or the Brown Recluse. Of course, the human knew that already from typing something on her phone earlier. The provider says the symptoms of a Black Window bite would be different. And brown recluses are not native to Massachusetts. The provider sends the humans home.
Now, on to the feelings.
Those are all the feelings that came up throughout the day, when the human asked herself what’s going on right now.
- Annoyed that she got bitten.
- Concerned about how the bite looks.
- Scared that she might have serious symptoms or might die.
- Proud that she quickly decided to go to urgent care to have it checked out instead of worrying about it all night.
- Guilty for having to ask the other human to drive her, while he was enjoying some me-time.
- Grateful that the human offered to drive her.
- Relieved that the urgent care provider was not alarmed.
- Doubtful that the provider was right.
- Helpless as there nothing that can be done to treat the bite from a brown recluse.
- Embarrassed that she went to urgent care for a bug bite.
- Ashamed that she worried a bug bite might kill her.
- Compassionate with herself when considering how she would have responded, if this had happened to a friend.
- Angry that the other human seemed like he was annoyed by having to drive her to urgent care.
- Sad that the other human did not seem to notice that she’s struggling.
Many contradictory feelings came up at the same time. Annoyed and concerned and scared and proud and guilty and grateful and angry.
It is okay to have all these feelings all at once. That’s human. Remind yourself that Opposites can co-exist.
Yours,
Cat 🐾
P.S. I think the spider did it.
P.P.S. If you’re struggling with naming your feelings, take a look at the Wheel of Feelings to help you find a name.
