Dear Human 💕,

You can only control yourself and the reality you cre­ate for yourself. Nothing else.

You can control:

• The lens through which you view the world,
• your thoughts,
• how you interpret events and situations,
• how you respond,
• how you regulate your emotions,
• how you express your thoughts & feelings,
• what you do (or not do),
• what is and what is not acceptable for you,
• the rules you want to live by,
• what is important to you,
• what is (good) enough for you,
• what you pay attention to,
• your attitude,
• the goals you set for yourself,
• what you appreciate & celebrate

You cannot control other humans. All the things you can control for yourself, you cannot control for other humans.

Humans often have a hard time understanding this. There’s a difference between what you influence and what you control.

What you say and do can certainly affect or influence other humans, but you cannot control how they respond.

You’re thinking, “But if they would just listen!” or “If they could see it my way, . . .” I get it.

When I want my human to give me treats, I can meow and purr, rub against their legs, and be the cutest I can be, but ultimately? They decide whether to open that door that hides the treats or not.

Humans tend to overestimate how much control they have over things and humans around them. And then they feel responsible for everything around them. This can make them feel guilty or take the blame for things beyond their control.

Feeling guilty when a another human is upset, even if they had no direct role in their mood.

Believing you “should have prevented” negative events that are beyond their control.

Taking on all the blame when things go wrong in a  relationship with another human.

So, keep in mind you are not responsible for what another human thinks, feels and does. Only they have control over themselves.

And of course, you cannot control cats either. But for some reason humans can control dogs. Meow?

Yours,
Cat 🐾

P.S. Therapists call it Internal Control Fallacy, when humans overestimate their influence on others and believe they are responsible for other humans’ thoughts, feeling, or actions. It’s one of those thinking errors.