Dear Human 💕.

It looks like you’re listening, but you don’t seem to understand.

You seem to be thinking about how you’re going to respond and if there is anything you can fix. You are in your own head and you are not really listening. You won’t be able to respond properly or help solving any issues, if you don’t understand what is going on in the first place. So, get out of your own head and focus on the other human.

Give the other human your full attention. Focus on understanding what’s going on with them. Put yourself in their situation. See the situation from their point of view. Show them that you understand. Only if a human feels understood, they are going to trust you and will be open to your feedback or suggestions.

Try to figure out what they want and need. Sometimes, humans tell you what they want or need. Sometimes, they don’t. What are they telling you?

Listen to what they say and how they say it. What does their body language tell you? Can you read any emotions in their face?

When you feel like you don’t understand, ask questions:

• What do you my mean by…

• Tell more about…

If you think you understand, it’s helpful to confirm you understand correctly. Some questions you can ask to reflect back:

• What you’re saying is . . .

• I hear you say that. . .

• So, in other words . . .

• Sounds to me like . . .

If you get it right and the human hears what they said and how they feel in your words, they will feel you understood.

You can also use these questions, if you’re not quite sure yet, if you got it right or not. Make a guess and see if the other human does confirm it or not.

Only after you understand, think about how to respond. How can you support them to address the situation. It there something they would like you to do differently? Is there something that you could support them with?

When in doubt, ask:

• What would you like me to do?

• How can I support you?

Don’t jump to offering advice. Maybe the human does not want you to do anything. Maybe the human just needed to feel understood. Maybe they just needed to vent.

We all had those days.

Yours,
Cat 🐾

P.S. Remember you’re trying to understand the other human. Don’t judge. Don’t get defensive. Don’t argue.