Dear Human 💕,

I noticed you being really hard on yourself again.

You made a mistake and your inner voice jumped on it.

I’m so stupid.

Why did I do that?

I always mess things up.

You are beating yourself up.

Meow! You’re not on your own side right now. Let’s get you there.

Here’s what being on your own side looks like in such a moment.

Step 1: Notice.

Catch the voice. You already know what it sounds like. “I’m so stupid. I can’t believe I did that. What’s wrong with me?”

When you catch it, you’ve done the hardest part. Most humans don’t even notice. They just absorb it.

Step 2: Pause.

Don’t fight the voice. Don’t argue with it. Pause. Take a deep breath.

Step 3: Ask the question.

What would I say to someone I love in this exact moment?

Not a stranger. Not a coworker. Someone you actually love. Your best friend. The other human. Me.

If I made the same mistake you just made, what would you say to me?

You wouldn’t tell me I’m stupid. You wouldn’t say I always mess things up. You’d probably tell me it’s okay. That everyone makes mistakes. That you still think I’m a great cat.

Step 4: Say that to yourself.

Out loud if you can. In your head if you can’t.

Say the thing you would have said to someone you love.

That’s it. That’s what being on your own side sounds like in that moment.

It will feel weird at first. Your inner critic has had years of practice and it’s loud. Your kind voice is just starting to speak up.

Keep doing it anyway. The more you catch the critic, the quieter it gets. The more you speak kindly to yourself, the more it sounds like your real voice.

I’m on my side. I want you on yours.

Yours,
Cat 🐾

P.S. Therapists call this self-compassion. If you want the research behind it, look up Kristin Neff — she’s spent decades showing that being kind to yourself works better than beating yourself up.

P.P.S. Being on your own side is more than changing the voice in your head. Dive into what it means to be on your own side.